Friday, August 17, 2012

Diversions and looking ahead

After my BFN I decided I couldn't wait another day to go to the beach to commemorate my dad's life. I called my mom to see if she could switch around her schedule and since she was able to we all headed down to Hug Point.  This isn't the beach where we spread my dad's ashes, but the trail to the beach is much shorter here so it is preferable while Baby Boy not being entirely independent and neither boy really being able to carry his own weight (or at the very least sand toys.)

It was a beautiful day at the Oregon Coast! So beautiful in fact that I undressed down to my swim suit!  That almost never happens here! The boys had a great time playing in the sand and building sand castles with my mom.

She noticed that we were all three wearing blue today (not intentional) and took a few pictures of me with my boys. Nearly 5 year old boys are very fickle when it comes to photographs.
I love this photo because it was MLH's idea to have me bring his brother over to this driftwood log to pose with him. How sweet!

Hug Point has a little waterfall and these great caves.
After a few hours on the beach we headed into Cannon Beach so that my mom could buy the boys some sea shells and I wanted to go to Bruce's Candy Kitchen to get some saltwater taffy to fill the pinata.They were quite worn out on the drive home.

Then the next day decided to take an impromptu road trip to Seattle after my early morning beta. I wanted to decline the test, but the nurse told me they code it as a medical test not as fertility so it should be covered by my insurance. I still don't see the point since I got a negative HPT, but agreed to come in. Mr. W stayed in the car with the boys and afterward we dropped him off at work and headed north. I wanted to go up to meet a bumpies who were having a get together.I also wanted to hold our friends' ID twin girls and have a visit with Mrs. Z.

The first thing I did when we arrived into town was head to the Space Needle to kills some time before the get together. I thought we'd just walk around a little bit and take a few photos and have some lunch.  But My Little Helper decided he wasn't too scared to ride up it. I'm glad we did, the view was nice and the boys enjoyed the elevator ride.  I haven't been there in forever and would like to return when I have more time to see the Chihuly glass exhibit and what I assume is a Frank O. Gehry building.

Then we rushed over to Kirkland to meet new friends and got to play in the lake which was refreshing considering how hot it was!
We also saw some slugs being forced into manual labor at the farmer's market.  The "artist" calls this Trails of the Northwest.  She covers their tails with paint so that their slim trail becomes the art.

I had decided that it was too long of a drive to do all in one day so Mr. W booked us a room at the Olympic Hotel and the boys and I ordered room service for dinner since Baby Boy never napped.
The next morning we went to visit the Zs and hold some babies. Boy, does MLH want another baby! He has a special relationship with Baby R.
He talks about her all the time!Baby Boy was mildly interested in the babies too, and fortunately not at all jealous.

I got to hold Baby T and she fell asleep on me.  Several times during her catnap I had to mediate between the boys or chase Baby Boy upstairs and carry him, underarm, back down the stairs while still holding a sleeping baby. In this picture you can see me holding the baby while trying to remove Baby Boy from the dining room table
 It was really great practice for me for life with 3 children! It will be a challenge, but certainly do-able. And at this rate Baby Boy will be nearly 2 and a half when a new baby might arrive.
Then the boys and I headed to the Seattle Zoo to round out our diversions before heading home.
It was hot, and I was beginning to feel a little tired, but I think the boys enjoyed themselves, and Baby Boy took a nice nap in the stroller.

I had received a call on Wednesday that my beta was negative, unsurprisingly, and AF showed up last night when we returned from Seattle.  I have an apt this morning.  I'm not feeling  confident on how to proceed this cycle. Here are some options I'm considering:

  1. Shut the heck up and listen to my RE's opinion on how to proceed. (Only problem here is that he won't be in the office today, I'll see someone else)
  2. I have an entire vial of follistim left from last cycle. Use that and hope that it is enough to get me to having big enough follies this time too. If not I can easily get more at the pharmacy at the last minute.
  3. I have been lurking a ton on IF boards and have noticed that many people do a combo of Letrozole and Follistim.  Maybe this would be a good option for me too? It would certainly save some money.
  4. Continue with the same treatment as last cycle with ovidrel and TI. I would like to continue with this because it is the the only treatment considered 'acceptable' by the church. So this would really be like my Hail Mary cycle doing TI. One last attempt before I lose all my will power and move on to something else with better odds.
  5. Say forget what the church says and do IUI this cycle.  When we started ttc#3 we agreed that we would do 3 cycles of injectibles.  Since we only needed half the meds last cycle we might be willing to do a few more.

I don't know. I'm feeling desperate and overwhelmed. My low AMH is starting to really, really freak me out. I wish my RE were going to be there today.  Mr. W isn't very helpful in sorting through all this.  His opinion is more or less do whatever I feel comfortable with, he is down for whatever. The only firm thing I can extract from him is that we don't have any money for IVF; we need a new furnace.


  1. I can feel your pain through your writing and sending hugs to you from afar! You are a brave mama traveling all over with the two in tow;-)

    Did you practice keeping the two boys in check while holding two babies?

  2. Haha! No, I never held both babies at the same time. If treatments do yield two babies I may be in big trouble! I will definitely need to lean on you for MoM tips and training! :)