The past two have weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster ride for me in terms of decision making and emotions. I never wanted to do IUI, neither during my primary IF, nor with my secondary IF. But last week I changed my mind and decided I wanted a referral from my OB/GYN to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I wanted to pursue injectibles and the possibility of IUI. I decided to delay starting with the adoption agency and asked my dr during my appointent if I was officially being diagnosied with Unexplained IF and asked for the referral. He said I had an abnormal ultrasound and needed to come back three days later for a saline sonogram. He'd give me a referral after those results. In the three days that passed I researched and prayed hard about IUI. By my next appointment I had changed my mind yet again. I had decided against IUI, but wanted the RE referral so I could pursue injectible fertility drugs. In the span of 3 days my dr had completely forgotten why he had asked me to return to his office. He reviewed my history and decided I may have some scar tissue as a result from the two previous surgeries I underwent to get my son in and out of me. He wanted me to have a HSG which I lovingly refer to as a cooter x-ray. This test officially meant that we would have to delay joining the adoption agency until the spring. We'll have to invest too much money to start adoption that wouldn't be refundable if the test results show that I can be "fixed" again and achieve pregnancy.
I sit here one day past the cooter x-ray waiting to ovulate. Usually the 2 weeks waiting between ovulation and testing to see if your efforts paid off in a pregnancy seem to last an eternity. This cycle seems like the reverse is true. All my vacilating on how to proceed has made it seem like forever. And yet it has only been little over a week! And poor Mr. W! Everyday I have a new plan. He isn't as vocal about his thoughts as much so I am hoping he will let me know where he stands.
Everyone who has experienced IF or a pregnacy loss at some point has been on the receiving end of wildly inappropriate comments that more often not were intended to be comforting by the person doling out the unsolicited advice. Let me tell you that what we would prefer would be support rather than advice. I have had my own share of poor comments. In the instances when I don't want to punch the person in the face, I at least want to tell them to back off because I am working my uterus off.
Here are things that people who love me and care about me have said during my journey:
"At least you get to have fun trying!"
"At least you have one child of your own"
"Oh, it was really easy for us to get pregnant!"
"I worry that I wouldn't be able to love an adopted child as much"
"You need to do it doggy style"
"You need to do it on the 13, 14 and 15 and then afterwards get up on your knees"
"Once you start adoption, then you'll get pregnant"
"You need to relax and stop thinking about it"
"Don't worry, you will get pregnant again"
"We had a lapse in judgement and we think we're pregnant"
"My girlfriend is pregnant, I think we're going to have an abortion"
"I'm pregnant again and my husband doesn't want to keep the baby"
"You need to hurry up and have another baby so he doesn't get spoiled"
"I thought you wanted more kids"
"Hmm, you ovulated; you should be pregnant"
"This test will clear out the cobwebs"
"You'll probably get pregnant after this test, so many other people do"
I'm paraphrasing some of the above, but some are direct quotes. I acknowledge that most people don't know what to say and are trying to be comforting, some people didn't know I was IF, and some people just have a terrible case of foot in mouth disease.
I am working on it. Honest.
Lily Pasta Santa Caterina
3 weeks ago