After meeting with my RE earlier this month he recommended I do a clomid challenge test to asses my ovarian reserve. He actually wanted me to do one last time, but I flatly refused because I hate being on clomid so much. This time however I felt I ought to do it since I'm 36 and it has been 2 years since I've done any testing.
Last week though I began to get alarmed because my period still hadn't arrived and we were going to go camping for the Memorial Day weekend. I wasn't sure how much flexibility there would be in which day the blood work could be done and also if I could have it drawn at a clinic in Seattle, since we'd be camping up near Bremerton. After a call my RE's office I learned that I also needed an ultrasound for the clomid challenge test and that had to happen before CD3. They might have allowed a blood draw at another clinic, but not an ultrasound. They could have both done as early as CD1 though. So I was screwed if my period didn't show up that night or early Friday morning. Miraculously, it did arrive later that evening and they were able to squeeze me in before we left town. My Little Helper was at preschool, but I had to bring Baby Boy with me since it was such late notice. (My clinic doesn't have a no children allowed policy.) I set up the room with toys to keep him busy, but in the end when the staff entered the room I ended up picking him up and holding him on my chest/abdomen during the ultrasound. My RE was already out of the office for the holiday weekend so they took this opportunity to have an intern perform my ultrasound with another RE supervising. She was so slow and I was so uncomfortable from her pressing the wand into me and trying to take the measurements AND having a toddler squirm around on top of me. It will be really awesome if future ultrasounds happen to coincide with days he's scheduled to be in childcare!
Before I left I asked about mid cycle monitoring (they weren't planning on doing it since I didn't want an IUI) and asked if I could add a trigger shot this month since I had success on my follistim cycle when I used a trigger. The other RE said that would be a fine idea and I left with an appointment, but no prescription for ovidrel.
They called me with the blood work results as I was packing. My FSH was 5.49 and my Estradiol (E2) was 64. Both within the normal range. Hopefully the CD10 blood work will also yield normal numbers.
I was so exhausted from camping after we returned home yesterday that I didn't fill the clomid prescription until this morning. I've spent the better part of today re-researching family balancing options. It started with me looking back to find out what my clomid dose was the last time I took it. I'm on 100mg for the clomid challenge test. I never wrote down the prior doses so I had to call my old OB's office to request it.
That lead to me calling up the Tacoma area clinic I was told does sperm spinning, researching the different spinning methods online, like Ericsson and Percoll, then a check with Microsort again. I had tried a couple times last year, but the first time I was told their clinical trial was closed, they did not have one projected for the future, and they wouldn't take my info to contact me when one opened up again. The next time I checked in they had just closed a trial, frustrating to say the least!!!
This time I ended up on the Microsort international page and sent a request for information and began envisioning a mini trip to Mexico with Mr. W, sort of a premature Babymoon if you will.
Then on a whim I decided to call the LA based clinic again to see if they had open enrollment coming up soon. I was shocked when I received a call back so quickly and they were willing to set up a skype appointment for us and send us a new patient package! Honestly, this is exactly what I want to do and I thought this ship had sailed for me! They have to best success rate, in the 90% for those trying for a daughter, vs in the 60% with other methods. And I can do it without involving embryos. I will have to do an IUI, which isn't approved by the church, but at this point I'm willing to do the 'wrong' thing if it means I can get the family I want.
I know there is a saying, "Let go and let God." but I'm just not strong enough for that. I feel like I've put up with enough through my IF journey that I should at least use my IF to my advantage to get the sex I want this last time.
Mr. W and I had a real heart to heart conversation after our consultation with the RE about the what-ifs of having a 3rd son. If we are lucky enough to have a third pregnancy that goes to term, that is the end for Mr. W. He is no longer open to adoption and would not be open to further treatment or adoption to add a girl for a fourth child. So this is really, truly my last shot. I told him that I can't imagine my life without a daughter and am scared about how I would handle the disappointment. He asked me how I have handled other disappointments in my life. My initial reaction was "Not well." But when I reflected upon it more I realized that I haven't really had that many disappointments in my life. I have been in control of everything else: where I go to school, studying abroad, getting a job within my field, eventually meeting and marrying the perfect person for me, living in Portland,eventually being able to have children, even getting my dream house,everything I have every really wanted I have gotten. The one thing out of my control was losing my father to cancer right before My Little Helper was born. And if the fact that I'm still not over that and still struggling with the reality of that is any indication to how I'd react to never having a daughter, then we're in big trouble.
So, today I am over the moon happy that I could get accepted as a new patient and am eagerly looking forward to me skype consultation. I'll continue on with the clomid challenge test, but won't add a trigger shot and will probably skip doing timed intercourse this cycle. I'd rather save my pennies and my luck for next cycle!
Lily Pasta Santa Caterina
3 weeks ago