Sunday, July 22, 2012

BFN again

It's CD25 and I'm 13DPO.  Unlike last month I had a good night's sleep because I really had no expectations on how this test would go.  I was hopeful, but did not feel confident like I had last cycle.  Even this morning my temp was still good enough.  I brought the test stick back to bed so we could await the results together, although admittedly Mr. W was pretty much still asleep.  I wasn't eager to test yet, but my bladder couldn't hold out any longer. 
It was negative and I didn't really feel that disappointed, or rather I am just indifferent.  I'm not happy with the results, but I'm not angry (yet.) I just feel kinda blah.  Maybe I'm in shock. Who knows.  Mr. W kept apologizing and comforted me.
The thing is I have no idea how much longer I have to wait now before I can begin the next cycle.  I ovulated so early on the Letrozole that I'm still so early even though I didn't test early.  My temps haven't begun to fall yet.  Based upon my normal range of cycle length it still could be another 10 days. God, help me if it is! On the other hand, if this ends at 28 days like a normal person, I could potentially have an April baby, but this one wouldn't have a Lenten birthday. 
One thing is for sure, we will likely have to forfeit our opportunity to go to our friend Mr. D's wedding in Spain next June.  I would have been open to taking a 2 1/2 month old to Spain, while leaving the older boys here in Portland with my mom.  But the idea of taking a 1 1/2 month old seems like potentially a bad idea.  I'm sure at some point I'll be angry at my RE for suggesting we work backward with Letrozole instead of picking up with the Follistim with which we had success.  But for right now I'm too indifferent to be mad.
I can think of one bright side here, this gives Baby Boy one more month of only having to divide our attention between him and his brother, one more month to sleep in the crib/converted toddler bed before he transitions to a twin sized Big Boy bed, one more month to maybe make a start on potty training. I can't deny that I'd prefer a 3 year spacing between children because of the benefits, but clearly time is not an option for me, nor is it on my side.

1 comment:

  1. Hugs and prayers for a positive outcome in the end