I was feeling very confident on Thursday; my temps were remaining high and my skin had cleared up. I was so convinced that I was pregnant that I was planning out how I'd spend my Friday stopping by my mom's work to tell her our news, then going to my grandparents' house to let them know too. We discussed how we could skype his family on Saturday, how the baby would be due around his birthday. I was so eager to pee on a stick that I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to fall asleep. As soon as I woke up I took my temperature. 97.5. It had fallen almost a full point. Not a tenth of a point, but a full point. I was devastated. There was obviously no need to POAS now; I knew what the result would be. So I cried instead. It wasn't immediate, but when it came it lasted for quite awhile.
I spent most of the day weepy, although I did take the littlest W to Yuen Lui for an Easter photo shoot with live bunnies. That made me feel better, but knowing that the only reason I was doing the bunny session was because I have to use up two more sessions before they expire in September stung. When I signed up for this photo package I expected I'd be long past pregnant by now and would have another baby who'd be using up his or her own sessions. Infertility makes it so hard to prepare for things!
Two sets of friends closed on their new houses and we helped one of the families move today. It was during this time that I started my cycle. I went from being fine and in a relatively good mood to knowing that I had to get home and away from people in an instant. I've been holed up on the sofa for the remainder of the day. Can I mention that being vegan while menstruating is its own special type of penance? All I want is fatty comfort food. Mr. W made me a nice menestra de verduras (from The Vegetarian Epicure Book Two by Anna Thomas) and poached pears for dessert. It was nice, but not the same a cheeseburger and chocolate milkshake.
We move on to radical infertility treatments this month. I didn't think I'd be here and it's possible that I vowed I wouldn't be doing this. It just goes to show that I shouldn't be casting judgment on things until I have experienced them first. Earlier this week we went to the RE's office to learn how to administer the gonadotropin shots. We had hoped at the time that we wouldn't need that information. I'm sure in a few days I'll get excited, and nervous, about the injectables, but today I am just moopey.
Saint Brigid's Lake of Beer
1 month ago