The marital booty call

It has been over a week and I am still mortified. I have been trying to conceive for 17 cycles, just one cycle short of what it took to become pregnant with our son. But this time I have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility which is more frustrating because there is nothing that can be "fixed" like there was last time. I had been debating whether or not I should skip this month so that my potential due date would not fall between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I worry about a child's birthday competing with the holidays. But when one is this infertile it just doesn't make sense to put off trying for something as seemingly insignificant as a birth date. Beggar moms can't be chooser moms! After reassurance from the ladies on thebump.com I accepted the logic to try to get pregnant this month. And then I realized the dilemma with my chart. My potential ovulation window would fall during Hot Dog: The Bachelor Party. Of course it would, we are seldom apart from each other overnight, Murphy's Law would dictate that the dates would coincide.
So how would this work out? Mr. W originally suggested that we meet up half way in Hood River so that I could avoid driving up to the mountain during inclement weather. This seemed logical, but the more I thought about it I wondered did he expect us to find a rent by the hour motel in Hood River? Or that I'd be so desperate after 17 cycles that I'd be willing to conceive our child in the back seat of the Sentra? And one would have to take into account that I'd be entertaining Ms. H so she and our son would have to come with me. Do we send them out for a walk around the block while we take care of things? No options were appealing to me.
Hot Dog: The Bachelor Party arrived and the men folk headed up to the mountain. By this point Mr. W decided that it made the most sense for me to come up to the HD: TBP. I crossed my fingers that I would be late to ovulate this month. I have been going through acupuncture treatments to regulate my cycle and they have been quite successful, but if ever I was to have an abnormal cycle, this would be it.
Around 5 o'clock on day two of HD: TBP I received a call from Mr. W. He was eager to hear if I had tested positive that day. Frankly, I was having such a good time eating my way across the city with Ms. H that it hadn't occurred to me to test yet that day. I told him I'd call him back. Wouldn't you know it, but the opk turned up a big smiley face right away. Normally I get very excited about positives, but that evening I was filled with dread. I'd have to go up the mountain to meet my husband. We'd try to make a baby. We'd be in the middle of a bachelor party. I called him to let him know the results and I could tell he was pleased; he was really enjoying the idea of a martial booty call. We loaded ourselves into the car, called around to my friend canceling dinner plans with the thought that we could maybe have drinks at my house later. I figured it would be about 2 hrs round trip. This was naive. I'd quickly find that nothing would go according to "plan."
1) It was Friday night around 5:30 pm and we found ourselves in the middle of rush hour traffic. When we finally got through Gresham and onto the Mt. Hood highway I had Ms H call him to let him know where we were.
2) The littlest W had not napped yet that day and I was convinced he'd sleep on the ride up. Of course he didn't! I spent a good part of the drive singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Not exactly mood music.
3) I don't drive up to the mountain often so I'm not familiar with the roads, and it was dark, so I wasn't driving fast. I was making horrible time.
4) He'd given me directions to Falcon Crest, the house they had rented. When we finally found it, and I managed to find a spot in the crowded driveway, Mr. M came out and asked me to move my car because he needed to get out to go on a beer run. The fact that he was completely nonchalant about seeing me in the driveway of HD:TBP confirmed my fear that he, and everyone else knew exactly why I was there. So embarrassing!!!! I imagine my face was bright red.
5) It turned out that they had tapped the keg on the first night so the guys wanted Mr. W to have me stop and pick up another keg for them along the way. He was smart enough to not ask me to do this when Ms. H called him earlier to give him our location.
6) Mr. W came out to meet me with the silliest grin ever. He was very pleased with the situation. I on the other hand, wanted to crawl into a hole. We went inside and set up H&G with all the toys I had brought to keep the littlest W entertained while we occupied ourselves in the next room. We were staying on the ground floor because I wanted to remain as discrete as possible. The fewer guys I ran into, the better. As I walked away our son started shrieking at the top of his lungs. This was not going to help set the mood either.
7) Mr. W was gleefully swinging a sock around like a tassel. He was having way too much fun with this. The sock was for the door knob because it is guy code for don't come in the room 'cause I'm getting busy. Was that really necessary I asked. Yes, because there was no lock on the door. Awesome.
8) I was curious how obvious our situation was, I needed him to give me reassurance first that I wasn't a laughing stock. Did everyone know? Apparently yes because he was talking up his booty call while he was in the hot tub. And good thing he was talking about it he told me, because everyone yelled at him that he better get out of the hot tub fast and go sit outside in the snow to cool things down. How helpful.
9) Miraculously we had no problems taking care of what needed to be done. I was not too keen on waiting the allotted number of minutes before I moved. I decided I was willing to risk interrupting the swimmers so I could get the heck out of there. There was a bathroom within the bedroom, but there was no door and the wall above the whirlpool tub was open to the rest of the room. While I was in there putting myself back together there was a knock at the door. We froze. Mr. W cracked the door to see Mr. N who had recently arrived and was the only one who didn't know what was going on. I could tell from his voice that he was instantly suspicious.
"What's going on?"
"Uh, nothing, what do you want?"
"Uh, I need to get my bag"
"I'll get it for you!"
"Oooo-kay"
10) I was so ready to get out of there! We went to get the boy and Ms H and I was ready to leave. Did I want a tour of Falcon Crest? No, I did not! The longer we stood in the hallway, the more guys happened to pass by. I was quite over being the entertainment for the night! We headed back to Portland. Surprisingly the littlest W still didn't fall asleep in the car until we were nearly home. It had been 5 hours!
The next day when we met Mrs. F for lunch I learned that already the gossip of the booty call was spreading, and HD:TBP wasn't even over yet! And since the rental house is Falcon Crest in the town of Government Camp, there are already tons of potential baby names that people are suggesting for us. How thoughtful.
Dear Lord, I'd really like to have another baby and I kind of think I've earned it this month. I hope you agree.